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[October 3rd again. Don't forget. This marks the second time he's hit this date in Luceti, and the first time in his life since carving the words upon his pocket watch that he's met it without Alphonse. That's probably what hurts the most, this time. No closer to getting home, no closer to regaining their bodies, even though he knows that he's only a day away from victory when he goes home. The second worst part is that he's only one day past an experiment that stole those memories from him- that he had, in fact, forgotten. Hadn't even known what the watch or the date upon it even meant.

Tch... stupid place. For the first time in a while, he hates it again.

He's going to keep up with the annual tradition anyway, for Al's sake as much as his, so tonight at the back of House #23, some time after dinner, Edward will be seated at a campfire, occasionally tossing logs into the flames, with a collection of snacks, some books, and notebook paper piled around him to get some work done. He'll be there all night, so any nighthawks or curious passerbys are free to stop in and see what's up.]

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...Mm.

[Edward doesn't really expand for a moment, transmuting his arm plate into a long metal rod and stretching it - and the marshmallow on the end - over the fire. Much as he'd love to leave it at that, Ling's a friend. He really needs to get better at confiding in people.]

This is the first time. Al's... always been here for this.

[Ling is quiet as he stares into the flames.]

I know. So what now? Have you considered your path for this year?

Now that it's almost over?

[It's not spoken critically, though, and after a moment he relents and tries again.]

We finished the war back home, and I thought the fight was over. But here? It's still going, and we might not have a chance at getting home until it ends. Even then it's not guaranteed, but...

[He scowls, kicking a loose stick into the fire, sending a shower of sparks onto the stones surrounding it.]

I don't want to just sit by and wait while people are getting killed out there.

[Ah. Ling stares into the fire, preoccupied on his own thoughts.]

It would be irresponsible of us to simply ignore this war. It's ours now.

Yeah, exactly. [Much as he hates the idea of fighting for them...] They keep bringing this war to us, so we may as well accept it.

I have. There are those of Xing who are in this war. If I'm going to one day be their ruler, then I have to do what I can to protect them in this world as well.

Are you talking about Ran Fan and May? Or have you met others?

[He remembers the other enclosure residents, though he hadn't met anyone from Xing.]

Others. There were others among the Kin'cora Enclosure. They were not pleased to meet royalty from the other clans.

Are there any Xingese clans that don't hate each other?

There's the Yao Clan and Chang Clan.

[fff. Well, he sure walked into that one.]

You've really got a lot of work waiting for you back home.

I'm beginning to question if I'm ad ready as I thought I was. I could not even convince two others, in the same situation as me, that we should be allies. If I cannot even accomplish that much here, then how much more difficult will it be as Emperor?

[Much as he wishes otherwise, Edward doesn't have an answer to that one. He's worried, though- not for the first time it occurs to him just how much pressure is on the shoulders of his friend, even if it doesn't matter much in this place. Being far from home hasn't kept him from worrying about Al, after all, so why would Ling be any different, with so many more lives to consider?]

...Did you tell them about the Philosopher's Stone? Would that matter, or is it just the emperor who cares about immortality?

They were servants of the royal family. They could sense the stone inside me. That I had obtained immortality was not important to them. Who would want a monster as their king?

[It was an account he hadn't even told Ran Fan about. That battle, the stakes, and losing. He and May had been humbled that day. He still hadn't recovered.]

[...Geez. Edward can't help but stare for a long moment, trying to come to terms with that. Besides the fact that Ling's actually being pretty open with him - he knows how rare this is - it brings up yet another problem that hasn't been dealt with.]

...I'm... sorry, Ling.

[Because what else do you even say to that?]

Don't apologize. It's what I wanted. I found the stone and in truth, I've come to accept it as a part of me. There can be no safer place to guard it until I return home. Yet...

[He closes his hands into fists.]

Your father-- Van Hohenheim tried to show me how to communicate with them. All I've done is ignore them and dominate them with the will of my own soul. Like a monster would. When I left Amestris, I know ruling Xing would be a far greater trial. But at the time, I was convinced I was prepared for it. That there was no person better to do it.

[I was wrong.]

[He'd like to say he's surprised by that, that he believed if Hohenheim could speak to that torrent of storms within him, Ling could. He withstood Greed's soul and the mass of that Philosopher's Stone, after all.

But he can't. He can't, because he's been there too, even if it was brief. When he forced himself into Pride's mind, joined with his Stone to reach in and drag him out, he ignored the noise, plucked a single soul out - or whatever the homunculus entity could be called - and ripped it free, leaving all the rest to dissipate into dust. Freed them, one might say, but destroyed them nonetheless.

"Thank you."

With Pride, he'd been too preoccupied with everything else to really think about it. To care. He can't criticize or get angry with Ling for dealing with it the best way he could, even if he hates the idea of it.

Unlike Hohenheim, they didn't have four hundred years to adjust to the noise.]

...So... what are you going to do now?

I'm trapped here, Ed. We both are. There is no moving forward or holding our heads high. When they send us to war, I can fight those battles with the hope that perhaps in doing so, I fight for Xing as well. But I can do nothing else to help them. Nothing but be what I am now.

[... a monster. Nothing else. Not a prince. Not an emperor. Just a boy with a fake smile, a hidden blade, and a sinful ambition polluting his very soul.

It was never how he imagined what the end of his journey would look like.

For all the time Ling had spent pretending like Luceti was a vacation, it was starting to become harder and harder to play the part.

He'd lost.]

[That's... such a defeatist attitude, even if it's simply accepting truth. It bothers Edward immensely, and he scowls.]

What about the stone? If you're worried about being a monster, you can change that, you know.

[Ling isn't like the homunculus- he's better than them. And he obviously knows that what he's doing isn't right.]

I can't remove it, Ed. Van Hohenheim tried.

[If there were other options, he was at a loss to know what.]

I'm not saying you should remove it. [Even though he thinks it should happen, he doubts it's such an easy thing to accomplish.] I mean, are you going to try to talk to them? It's not the stone that makes the homunculus monsters, but how they treat the souls keeping them alive.

[They're more than just tools, more than just lost voices.

They're people.]

Do you think I haven't tried, Ed? Every day I try. For hours. But I still have to live. To sleep, to wake up, to eat, to keep moving forward. Learning to silence them and ignore them is the only way I've managed to remain me.

[He doesn't like it at all, but compartmentalizing them when he wasn't trying to contact them was the only option he really had.]

If you're still trying, then you're not a monster, Ling.

[There's a distinction to be made, there, one he believes wholeheartedly.]

You know how old Hohenheim was. He had hundreds of years to get to know every single one of the souls he had with him. And he had what, half a million? It probably takes a hell of a long time. [He purses his lips in a tight frown, then adds,] But you haven't given up. Monsters don't do that.

That distinction was of little consequence to those men from Xing. [For a moment, he stares into the fire looking a little lost. Then he releases a hollow laugh.] But it's selfish of me to make my problems yours, now of all times.

You know I don't mind. [Edward shakes his head, kicking a loose twig into the fire.] At least there's still options on how to deal with your problems. Mine are pretty much solved anyway, just... waiting for me back home. The rest is just old memories.

[Xingese people are too damn stubborn. He can respect that, but at the same time it really pisses him off.]

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automailed - 2012-11-20 11:05 (UTC) - Expand

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